Will Lurk for Food
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON DECEMBER 6, 2011. APP USERS: TO VIEW ALL THE SILLY PICS IN THIS POST, VISIT THE SITE IN THE ‘TWENTY TALK’ SECTION.
Lately I’ve been asked lots of questions about hiding money. Have I ever been spotted? What are my tricks? How do I avoid detection? These are reasonable inquiries, as few people hide cash in public places. (I’m sure I’m in esteemed company though. Eesh.)
Rich would probably agree that the ability to LURK is critical when hiding a $20 bill in broad daylight. You must wait until nobody is looking to tape it to a street sign or shove it up the sleeve of a mannequin. This requires just standing there for a while, trying to act natural and inconspicuous while watching who’s watching.
Fortunately, a lifetime of lurking has prepared me for this job: Waiting for ushers to look away so I can sneak into a movie. Standing near fountain soda machines where they charge for refills–until all employees are distracted. Hovering around those slow-pokes at the choice table until they pay their bill and leave. Need someone to linger? Mill about? Glance? Call me.
Lurking is just a big part of my life. Check out this pic:
There I am lurking behind my friends Katy and Jason. You think I was supposed to be in that photo? No way. There’s even someone lurking behind ME. And I’m sure that dude is being creeped on by some guy out of the shot. I cause lurktastic infinite regressions.
What did we lurkers do before cell phones? Mine lets me pretend I’m conversing, texting or looking something up online. If I just stand there, it’s weird. But if I whip that iPhone out, I can go from creepy to busy in five seconds. In the old days lurkers smoked a cigarette, I suppose.
Last month, security guards saw me hiding a 20 on camera, but they returned the money and a girl snagged it. Other than that, I doubt I’ve been spotted but I guess I can’t say for sure. Some finders never come forward. For all I know, one saw me stash a 20 then grabbed it right away. Doubtful though. I got skillz.
The moral of the story is if you catch me lurking, then lurk around me. There’s a good chance there’s 20 bucks in it for you.